It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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