2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
