Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dont even know how to be here
I miss vodka workout Fridays
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
