All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
