Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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