You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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