she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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