I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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