would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
