worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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