I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
