it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
