Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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