is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
