He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
