I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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