i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
