I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
