I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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