If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
