so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
