NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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