Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The uberlube is also flammable
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
