...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
