My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
there is glitter all over my balls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
