No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize