you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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