arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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