I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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