I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
