First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
