We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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