"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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