I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
