pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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