I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
