I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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