A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
