loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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