and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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