I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
