conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
