I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
