I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
