There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
