some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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