i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
