I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
