what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
