I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
