Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
