i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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