the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
