I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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