quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
