alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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