foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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