Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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