I just threw up on my dentist
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
