alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
