btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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