yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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