we have pet lesbian snakes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
