Sry I called you an 8
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
