you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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