Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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