What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish you could order shots online.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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