The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
