the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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