I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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