I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize