dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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