i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
