So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
